FOR THE CHILDREN
I need some help.
I'm working with the California Shakespeare Festival to help with their special events. Part of my volunteer responsibilities is to find additional volunteers.

Next Thursday (June 6), CalShakes is bringing Shakespeare to the kids. Midsummer Nights Dream has a student matinee. Wanna come?
You can spend the day with kids and see the show for free! We need folks to act as usher/docents - helping kids to their seats, answering questions about the theater, the play, etc. You'll get to see the full production with the kids (seating as available.)

It's an easy drive or BART ride from anywhere in the bay area to the theater in Orinda.

Drop me a note and I'll sign you up.

CHICAGO
My flight from San Francisco to Chicago had all the ingredients for disaster. They over booked the flight by 20. The 6'6" friend I'm traveling with got the middle seat. I was 12 rows back and surrounded by 5 kids, all under 6 yr-old.

I had a great time.


SHE PUKED
You fly with kids, they puke. There was a cute, 6 yr-old in the row next to me. Her mom was in the middle seat and speaking over me. Just as she was saying she didn't feel well, I had the good sense to point the child away from me. Mom found the bag, handed it to me to hold, and the girl hit the bag spot on.

SILVER LINING: She felt much better and smiled huge afterward. And the people who went running to the back (to avoid a puke-domino experience) really cracked me up.


ASL
So, then I moved and put the girl next to her Mom. Which put me next to a 21 yr-old Gallaudet student. Now, I like to use any word I know in any language. Swedish, Greek, whatever... I'll give the 10 words I know in your language a real try. I used a few American Sign Language words with the student - and was committed for the duration of the flight. There was no way she would take, "I don't understand" as an answer.

SILVER LINING: This was a 21 yr-old girl, who'd lost her hearing over the last few years, was large to the degree that the arm rests on either side of her had to be up for her to fit, and she was on her way from school (which she loved) to teach ASL to hearing kids (her second year - she couldn't wait to get there).
It was a blast finding ways to talk to her.

I'm staying at the Chicago Athletic Club. Women welcome since 1974. Well before any lawsuits were filed. (Just ask them)

More on this place later...

KEEPING UP
I have a great new way to keep up with friends who I want to call, but just never do. These are the folks that I'd love to talk to, but there's the obligatory stuff I can't stand: "oh, I'm sorry I haven't called", "how's work", "how's ...whatever". Here's how I check in and get off the phone in 60 seconds:

Arbitrary Decision Phone Calls
I call the person and say, "We don't seem to ever catch up, so let's not try. Let's just stay in touch by occasionally calling and helping each other make mundane decisions." Examples I've used:

~ Do I want a beer or wine with dinner?
~ Should I walk or take the bus to the movies?
~ Chicken or beef?
~ Is it warm enough to wear shorts?

And friends have started to call with:
~ Should I stay in highway traffic, or try to weave through side streets?
~ I'm tired of the radio. Should I put in a CD or just drive in silence?
~ Should I ask my brother to join us for dinner?
etc.

No background or supporting details. Just a question, an answer and that's it - you're done.
It's quick and easy. And you know they're alive.

FLAMES
Yeah, we walked behind him for about half an hour.

KitH
Speaking of hapless drunks, I went to go see The Kids in the Hall live and on-stage Monday night. Holy Living Christ, they're a bunch of genius, idiot, drunk, Canadian bastards. It was a true lesson in "give the audience what they want." I'm sure they were tempted to develop new material - but they knew we were there to see the Chicken Lady, the Water Cooler Girls and the guy who can't remember what that Citizen Kane movie is called.

My face still hurts.

B2B
Only at the Bay to Breakers (the world's largest foot race) do you see 5,000 athletes lead a pack of 50,000 drunks. I was awake, rode my bike 5 miles to the start, walked 7.5 miles, got drunk and sobered up, then met a wonderful 15 lb. iguana - all before most of America got out of church.

The rain really kept the naked people away. Too bad...

LOST
From nowhere, as we were driving, she says, "I wish I had a global-tracking device that could track all the barrettes I've ever lost."

And back to silence.

FLAT LUCKY
There is a children's book about a boy who gets flattened and then mails himself around the country.Some 5th graders in Aurora, Colorado made there own flat people (Lorenzo made Flat Lucky) and mailed them out. I took Flat Lucky all over San Francisco. People love him.

The best was the cable car drivers all yelling, "Hey - It's Flat Stanley" everytime they saw him.

Now, I have to mail him (and the pictures) back.

CAN'T STOP
Since Heather posted her Two Truths and A Lie list, I can't stop thinking of entires.

ok, just one more:

1. John Waters kissed me on the mouth
2. I have been arrested for 'mayhem'
3. I learned to skydive in Fargo

THE SHAKES
I helped my girlfriend clean up her place on Sunday, just as potential roommates were arriving. We set a big, circular mirror on the nightstand next to the bed to make the room look bigger. It worked.

Even as we did it, I said, "Hey, let's move this big, unsecured mirror away from your pillow before the next earthquake."

Of course, I was next to the mirror when the 5.2 hit yesterday. The epicenter was 30 miles away, so all it did was shake the room and remind me to move the damn mirror.
I did.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
I've slept in 44 of our 50 states.

see harrumph

NEW OFFICE
Most mornings, I start my day with my girlfriend at the Cup-a-Joe Cafe. When she goes off to work, I head to back to my home-office and start my day. But since I bought a wireless network card for my laptop, I can just stay here and work.

I am not alone. I've been here over 3 hours now and this is the hardest working place in San Francisco. It's now packed with 25-45 year-old, self-employeed, well-cafinated lap-top owners. I've never worked in an office with so many people working so quietly, intently and so very, very wirelessly.

There's also a new mothers' group up by the front door.

MY FAVORITE SPAM
from "Linda" (about once a week)

Dear Sirs:
We know your esteemed company in beach towels from Internet, and pleased to introduce us as a leading producer of high quality 100% cotton velour printed towels in China, we sincerely hope to establish a long-term business relationship with your esteemed company in this field.

Our major items are 100% cotton full printed velour towels of the following sizes and weights with a annual production capacity of one million dozens:

Disney Standard:
30X60 inches, weight 305grams/SM, 350gram/PC
40X70 inches, weight 305grams/SM, 550gram/PC

Please refer to our website http://www.jacquard-towel.com/index.html for more details ie patterns about our products.
Once you are interested in our products, we will give you a more favorable price.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon

Thanks and best regards,
Linda
Henan Ziyang Textiles
http:/www.jacquard-towel.com

SF
The scene yesterday on Church St.:
A 13 yr-old boy, crouching on the sidewalk, pouting as
a 13 yr-old girl says in her "we've been talking about this too long" tone,

"She DOES like you. (beat)
She SAID she liked your web site!"

YOU'RE IN TROUBLE
So, check out this huge security threat to you and your loved ones.
I can see your harddrive!

Scary isn't it!
Well, no. It's crap, of course - and if you use a Mac, it's not even that.

KERNING
A good example of when kearning really matters. Mega... Flicks?

via peterme

APOLOGY
I made meatloaf for some friends last night. I have the recipe pretty well memorized, so I just walked around the store yesterday, grabbing the things I needed. This includes ketchup, of course. It was 2-for-1, so I got two ketchups. When I got home, I realized I must have done the same thing the last two or three times I made meatloaf - cause I now have five, ten-ounce bottles of DelMonte ketchup.

Suddenly, the complaints of ex's (roommates, girlfriends, etc) resonated clearly.
Some kitchen related apologies are past due:

To my Ex's - Sorry for all the BBQ bottles, Cajun marinades and jars and jars of Maraschino cherries. I thought I needed them.

To my Dad - I now understand a stove's burner is not an on-off switch. There are a variety of degrees at which you may heat things.

To my Sister - I am not at all sorry for my practice of stealing your grilled cheese sandwich, even when I wasn't hungry. It was a matter of principle. I had to do it - and I always will.

To certain customers of The Rainbow Cafe in Winston-Salem, NC (1991-1992) - I'm sorry I touched your food. You were being a jerk and I thought it was funny.